VD

Related to Kosmo’s post:

I’ve been haunted every year by a certain Valentine’s Day memory of my obnoxious Catholic upbringing.

In one of my classes or perhaps during a “special break time,” (the only non-religious class in grade school was Math, but Math was invariably taught by a nun) I was force-shown a hokey christian allegory of “romantic love via love of Jeezo Crust” that falsely attributed Valentine’s Day to a Catholic martyr (there are 14 martyrs by the name Valentine) who was handed red paper hearts by his supporters on the walk to his execution.

Isn’t that the worst thing ever?

All I wanted was to get Katie Bunch to kiss me on my face and tell all the other boys that I was the cutest, and the opprobriously celibate, dusty lipped nuns force-taught us that the tradition of giving “valentines” to your loved ones is somehow related to bidding them goodbye on their way to a torturous, political murder.

I found this movie on Amazon, and apparently there’s some time travel involved that I don’t remember.

Just look at the fucking cover.

Now I’d like to draw your attention to the very first comment on the site:

I used to show this to the sixth graders I taught. Four years ago I moved to China had a group of Asian ladies watch it… they too enjoyed it. It shows what true love is… sacrifical.
Hope you order it and enjoy it as much as I have over the years.

True love = sacrificial. Can I sue my parents and my grade school? Why has no one thought of that before?

This lady is probably not one of my teachers, but it’s substantive proof that if you go to China, you’re bound to run into a group of Asian ladies.

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2 thoughts on “VD

  1. I am very glad I didn’t go to Catholic school.

    Time travel? Saints? Horrible messages marketed to children? We should watch that movie.

    Standard drinking rules apply: drink every time you wish I hadn’t made you watch it!

  2. Every time I drink it’s to forget about Catholic school. Now I must sign off as I’m about to get sloppy. Thanks, Dan.

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